this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
