He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
