I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
