the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
