RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
