we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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