Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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