I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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