Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
