you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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