If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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