If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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