1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
