I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
