Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
