I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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