So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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