I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
