We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
