Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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