The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
