He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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