he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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