dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
