He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
