remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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