let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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