Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
not ubering you a puppy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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