We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize