Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's even glitter on my cock...
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