I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
