I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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