omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
