My cat gives me a boner
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
