Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
