apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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