90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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