do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
