he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
