Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
