Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
