you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
