I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
