i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My cat gives me a boner
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
