my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize