I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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