I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
