matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
