Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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