Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
