The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
