i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
