You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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