Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
