Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
