i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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