FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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