I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
