something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
