the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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