you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
