I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
